Shiny Happy Electro People

I've recently read an article in today's newspaper about "enhanced humans"- people who, through the miracle of science, have better memories, sky-high IQ's, excellent physical abilities, and, (If I'm sensing the author's penis-envy correctly), incredibly um, well-endowed physical parts. Except for there are no "enhanced humans." There's just this guy who thinks there may be some someday. I'm guessing he calls himself "Fox" when no one is around.
But we'll call him Joel, for that's what the paper calls him. The piece originated in the LA Times, but somehow found its way to Lincoln's Journal Star. It begins with a charming soliloquy about crying kids and anxious parents. "In the next few years, your child will come home from school in tears. He'll say, once again, that he is unable to compete with the children who are brighter, better behaved, and physically more capable than he is because their parents have bought them technological enhancements and you have not. What will you do?"
He he. Oh what the hell...
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I find this amusing on many levels. First: the LA Times has never been that good of a jumping off point for science fictions writers. Then again, news writers aren't really jumping much either. He's using information from the Pentagon and the DoD to create a story- see, that's never been done before, and that must be why the Times would print this. A man named Matthew Nagle sent an e-mail with his thoughts. Jeez, that sounds very terminator 2ish. But actually, he was contolling a robotic arm with his mind, via a chip that can process neurons, and how is that any different than what I'm doing right now? In the sense of the word, our arms are already robots, because we are contolling them via our brain that processes neurons.
And actually, this robotic arm thing is good, because it can help amputees and quadriplegics.
But then our Joel Mulder decides that because we can control things with our thoughts, (something's he's unawarefully done everytime he's jerked-off) we can now harness "every power of our comic-book superheroes from the 1930's and 40's..." Well Damnit! I wanna be Storm! Superman and Wonder Woman are not as cool as Storm! Can't the scientists harness the power of superheroes from modern comic books?
My question to Joel is- seeing as how we can't even cure Ahlzeimers because of the stem-cell and genetics controversy, how do you expect that in "the next few years" I'll be able to stop speeding bullets with my tits? The Christian right will never allow it.
This article is just wasting my time, and space for actual news (which they would have just as soon used for plastic surgery advertisements anyway.) I don't know what's worse: being stupid or pretending to be stupid. The research is what's bothering him, but maybe he doesn't realize that all the greatest things we have were accidents found in the pursuit of something else. Chances are, the research will produce exactly nothing the researchers want it to.
But I hope they do create these superpowers. I've been waiting for a pair of "wonder tits."

New! Guide To Living In Nebraska

Easy Steps to Successful Nebraska Living:

1: Get a lobotomy
2:

Well, actually that's it.
Good luck with that.

Generation IPod

Has Everybody Lost Their Fucking Minds??

Seeing as how this is my first post ever, on my first blog ever, and chances are pretty fucking good that no one will read this, I feel comfortable chastising people to the point of near emotional breakdown.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU MORONS?
The reason I bring this topic (if one wants to call it that) to the table is that as a disenfranchised 22 year old, I feel as though people are more concerned about their I-Pods than their peers, their minds, or their world. For all you non I-Pod people out there, don't expect any kudos because you're probably saving up for one. The point being: I-Pod bad. Jessica always good and right.
Okay probably not really.
There is like a huge snarling gap in my generation's peoples. We are all kind of roaming around, doing whatever, with no common cause. What unites us? We're not a baby boomer type generation. We're not Gen Xers. What are we? Do any of us have a common cause? Will we go down in history as Generation I-Pod? A Generation without purpose?
Disclaimer: Please excuse all cliches and stereotypes. I must be a boring writer.
There's the "thugs" (which extend across racial lines), "young republicans", "rockers" (which I must say, being a rocker or even a rock fan nowadays requires a special void in creativity and originality), "Christian Youth" (which fits snugly with the "young republicans"), "GLTBAWTHDATLSF" (what do all those letters stand for, anyway?) "Popettes" (I coined that term; refers to people who love to cover themselves with fabric thats proportional to a napkin and call it an outfit) "Metros", and I guess, an "anti-establishment" crowd. Which I would probably identify with, if I could find these people.
Now I realize that these sorts of divisions are common, nay, normal to any generation. There's millions of us. If we were all the same, we would make Stalin look like Bambi. But!
One day at UNL (University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Get used to the shorthand) a GLTBTA (is that even right?) poster was ripped down and vandalized. By other students. Now, I don't really care what people think, but c'mon. The people who that poster pertains to already catch shit from churches, old white men, Republicans, etc etc. Why from us? We shouldn't be attacking our own. When we're all busy hating eachother, who's gonna hate our parents?
Generation IPod is a quivering mass of bile spewing indecision. But at least we have some killer tunes playing.