Young Republicans Are Morons

I'm sure someone will take offense to the title. Consider that payback for all the times I get called an idealist, or elitist, or feminist, and what the fuck is it with you people and the suffix "ist"? You can't do that to the English language.
See, what I don't get is what the hell made you decide to be a 20 something Republican. I mean, first of all, Republicans are usually old, and well, men. God, they're old men! All of them. Watch C-Span for 20 minutes, and you'll see what I mean. When did college students start identifying with people who still watch The Lawrence Welk Show? Or there's Ann Coulter. Why would anybody aspire to be a curtains-don't-match-the-drapes-ghostly-pale-big-mouthed-bad-makeup-bigoted-racist-gasbag of a uber bitch? This woman couldn't even find anything nice to say about Jesus, let alone real people.
(She's also a great poster child for abortion rights. If that hag ever got knocked up, it should be a Constitutional obligation to make sure her spawn never walk this Earth.)
Oh, whine from the Republicans. What, I can't talk shit about someone so dear to your camp? Does that make me somehow LESS than you? Well, then I have two words: HILLARY CLINTON. Yeah, that's right. Shut the fuck up.
Everybody knows Chruchill's famous quote: "If you're not liberal when you're twenty, then you have no heart. If you're not conservative when you're 40, then you have no head." Truer words have never been spoken. Look at our parents. They were all "FUCK THE GOVERNMENT" when they were our age, and now they're running the damn place. You know Churchill, he helped save the world and all, he must have been some kind of idiot. Because I look around, and kids have just kind of skipped over the first part of that sentence.
I read that some 9 year old girl went to meet Barbara Bush wearing a red dress with elephants stuck all over it, and when Mrs. Bush asked why she was wearing that, the girl proclaimed: "I'm a Republican!" What the fuck? Does a 9 year old even know what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican is? For that matter, does anyone anymore? I know these Young Republican Fuckheads don't. They really must think that we're all a bunch of God-hating, freedom-hating, anti-values, anti-life, Al Qaeda-loving, gay-faggot America haters. Our case is simple: we Democrats stand for absolute freedom, and our view simply states that nobody is going to like every thing that's free. If you're against gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person. It's simple like that. You may not like it, but everybody is free to live their lives. How does that make us America haters? Or elitist? Or whatever the hell else you call us?
And how could a bunch of 20 year olds, who for the first time are away from their parents and on their own, still continue to look at it from an absolutist point of view? Why aren't they out experiencing things? Trying new things? Accepting new things? Why do you think we're supposed to be liberals? We're supposed to be learning about eachother and the world. But it seems nobody's interested anymore.
I'm gonna try this one out: Democrats ruined college. Sorry, but we did. All that PC crap really did a number on our colleges. In New Hampshire, they're so afraid of offending people, that it is a punishable offense to say something offensive within earshot of another person. I could be fighting with one of my (soon to be ex) friends, say something out of spite or anger, and wind up on probation. Yes, us Dems brought in the Politeness Police, thereby shooting ourselves in the First Amendment foot. Freedom of Speech on college campuses is a joke nowadays. And for that, we were wrong. But you know, being Democrats entitles us a certain amount of gravitas, so I can put that out there and be okay with it. We made mistakes. We'll fix then and move on.
Young Republicans are morons. They are, and I want them to wake the fuck up. We should really get into why you should never trust ANY government. Because that's what Young Republicans do. They just trust that everything will be okey dokey without them ever lifting a hand to help.
Yeah, we'll see about that.

Do You Ever Notice....

I guess I'm just going to unload some observations here. Don't know if they're like, universal among everybody, or just things I see, but hey, I don't care.

Do you ever notice that the guy at a concert wearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt is the one selling all the good drugs?

Do you ever notice that people would rather eat light bulbs that talk to you except when you ask for directions? Then people trip over eachother to tell you their way to get somewhere.

How about the fact that people will steal your table at a bar when you leave your cigarettes, but not when you leave your sunglasses?

Or that cars on the interstate always travel in little groups, and single cars are few and far between?

Did you ever notice that a raisin dropped in a glass of champagne will bounce up and down in it?

Ever notice how it's physically impossible to sneeze with your eyes open?

Proven fact: It's impossible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour, even if you hurl repeatedly. (I proved it in a very scientific experiment)

Did you ever notice that there's no Betty Rubble in Flintstones Vitamins?

Did you ever notice that the King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache?

Yesterday I noticed that one cannot lick their own elbow. Strange.

I noticed that honey is the only food that doesn't spoil. Everthing else in my house... not so much.

Once, I noticed a lady wearing a mini-skirt with support hose. My prayers you never have to witness such a sight.

Did you ever notice that cat pee glows under a blacklight?

Did you ever notice that your fingernails grow faster than your toenails?

I think I need to get more of a life... I'm noticing how fucking wierd these are.

Signs That The Renaissance Is Over

I found this list of disturbing product labeling at ebaumsworld. (Disclaimer so I don't get in trouble or something.) I think it sums up our stage in human intelligence pretty well.

1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."


2. On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."


3. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."


4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."


5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."


6. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."


7. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."


8. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."


9. On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."


10. On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."


11. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."


12. On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."


13. On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."


14. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."

Would You Do It?

It's recently occurred to me that in my rantings about Generation IPod, I've forgotten a certain group. A guy made a comment about who else I had missed- namely jocks, potheads, lazy people, and a group that still is beyond my radar- "those other people."
But he, like me, and probably many others, forgot this esteemed group within our generation. I feel terrible about it, because while I may bitch about everybody else in my radar screen, these guys are off the map. I shouldn't have ignored these guys because I was bitching about everybody else. They should have gotten some accolades or something.
I'm talking about soldiers. Okay, so even though I'm sure most of them have IPods, they're still cool in my book.
See, I was thinking about this war in general, how fucked up it is and how it's always been fucked up, and I remember the single most reason for my rage against the administration being the fact that all the people who were going to die were going to be MY friends, MY classsmates, MY prom king and ex-boyfriend and class president and car mechanic and lawn mower and girl next door. MY generation. OUR generation. Us. Just about everybody who isn't an officer over there is 18 to 24 years old.
And I was pissed because a bunch of old rich fucks were sending us over there before we'd even had a chance to become old rich fucks.
See, there are many different types of wars. And we, as a country, have seen them all. There's peacekeeping missions. And treaty-type wars. Like if China decided to attack Taiwan, we'd be over there fighting. There's humanity wars. Somalia and Yugoslavia are examples of how we value people enough to fight for them. And there's when we get attacked. In which case, we'll gonna beat the shit out of you.
Then comes the self-interest wars. Obvious example: French and Indian War. Ha! You thought I was going to say Vietman. Well, I was. Because it was. So is Iraq. This type of war is a pretty shady and grey area. Is human life worth our own self-interest? Good question. See, acccording to our humanity war doctrines, we'll willing to risk American lives to save those less fortunate than us, and then again, we'll also willing to risk other's lives to keep our fortunes.
I would never want any part of that. Nobody's life is worth American self interest. You know what that's like? Beating or killing someone for their IPod. Simply put- heinous and stupid. But here I am, part of a generation fighting a war that secures nothing but our interest. Through no fault of our own, our love and citizenship purchased us a bloodbath.
Here's the breakdown on our soldiers:
First question to ask oneself is: would you do it? Volunteer to defend your country? To shoot and kill in the name of our people? Defend your soil until you are part of it? Literally sign your life away for someone else?
It takes a special kind of person to do that. If we were being attacked, then yeah, hell yeah I'd go and blow some invaders away. But to sign up to train and basically wait for a war? That's guts. Reminds me of what death row people say- death is different when you know exactly when it's coming. To be fixated on that gives it meaning. Everybody lives under the shroud of death at any given moment, but we never know when it's going to happen, and so we don't have to think or worry about it. Death Row inmates do. So I assume it's basically the same with soldiers. War is something very real to them.
They give their life away to their country, and all they really ask in return is that we don't cash in on that unless we have to. Their job is to defend our country and our ideals. Unless there is a specific threat that could cost lives, they don't have to kill or be killed. And I don't think that's asking much. After all, they're willing to die for me. And they're willing to die for their Commamder-In-Chief. So he should respect their silent requests.
Oh, but he didn't! Nobody did! If you read back over the past 2-3 years, you'll begin to notice the pile of crap on this war just keeps growing. The rationale for war keeps eroding. It's gone from a we're gonna be attacked war to a humanity war until now it's sitting there naked as can be- pure self-interest. And God Damn them- they're MY people dying over there. OURS. Our future husbands and wives, our children's future teachers, our future leaders, and for what? For WHAT?
I want anybody who reads this to look back. Don't listen to what anybody said, don't pay attention to what anybody did. Just read. Read to yourself for yourself, and fucking tell me FOR WHAT.
Tell me if you would do it.

Shiny Happy Electro People

I've recently read an article in today's newspaper about "enhanced humans"- people who, through the miracle of science, have better memories, sky-high IQ's, excellent physical abilities, and, (If I'm sensing the author's penis-envy correctly), incredibly um, well-endowed physical parts. Except for there are no "enhanced humans." There's just this guy who thinks there may be some someday. I'm guessing he calls himself "Fox" when no one is around.
But we'll call him Joel, for that's what the paper calls him. The piece originated in the LA Times, but somehow found its way to Lincoln's Journal Star. It begins with a charming soliloquy about crying kids and anxious parents. "In the next few years, your child will come home from school in tears. He'll say, once again, that he is unable to compete with the children who are brighter, better behaved, and physically more capable than he is because their parents have bought them technological enhancements and you have not. What will you do?"
He he. Oh what the hell...
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I find this amusing on many levels. First: the LA Times has never been that good of a jumping off point for science fictions writers. Then again, news writers aren't really jumping much either. He's using information from the Pentagon and the DoD to create a story- see, that's never been done before, and that must be why the Times would print this. A man named Matthew Nagle sent an e-mail with his thoughts. Jeez, that sounds very terminator 2ish. But actually, he was contolling a robotic arm with his mind, via a chip that can process neurons, and how is that any different than what I'm doing right now? In the sense of the word, our arms are already robots, because we are contolling them via our brain that processes neurons.
And actually, this robotic arm thing is good, because it can help amputees and quadriplegics.
But then our Joel Mulder decides that because we can control things with our thoughts, (something's he's unawarefully done everytime he's jerked-off) we can now harness "every power of our comic-book superheroes from the 1930's and 40's..." Well Damnit! I wanna be Storm! Superman and Wonder Woman are not as cool as Storm! Can't the scientists harness the power of superheroes from modern comic books?
My question to Joel is- seeing as how we can't even cure Ahlzeimers because of the stem-cell and genetics controversy, how do you expect that in "the next few years" I'll be able to stop speeding bullets with my tits? The Christian right will never allow it.
This article is just wasting my time, and space for actual news (which they would have just as soon used for plastic surgery advertisements anyway.) I don't know what's worse: being stupid or pretending to be stupid. The research is what's bothering him, but maybe he doesn't realize that all the greatest things we have were accidents found in the pursuit of something else. Chances are, the research will produce exactly nothing the researchers want it to.
But I hope they do create these superpowers. I've been waiting for a pair of "wonder tits."

New! Guide To Living In Nebraska

Easy Steps to Successful Nebraska Living:

1: Get a lobotomy
2:

Well, actually that's it.
Good luck with that.

Generation IPod

Has Everybody Lost Their Fucking Minds??

Seeing as how this is my first post ever, on my first blog ever, and chances are pretty fucking good that no one will read this, I feel comfortable chastising people to the point of near emotional breakdown.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU MORONS?
The reason I bring this topic (if one wants to call it that) to the table is that as a disenfranchised 22 year old, I feel as though people are more concerned about their I-Pods than their peers, their minds, or their world. For all you non I-Pod people out there, don't expect any kudos because you're probably saving up for one. The point being: I-Pod bad. Jessica always good and right.
Okay probably not really.
There is like a huge snarling gap in my generation's peoples. We are all kind of roaming around, doing whatever, with no common cause. What unites us? We're not a baby boomer type generation. We're not Gen Xers. What are we? Do any of us have a common cause? Will we go down in history as Generation I-Pod? A Generation without purpose?
Disclaimer: Please excuse all cliches and stereotypes. I must be a boring writer.
There's the "thugs" (which extend across racial lines), "young republicans", "rockers" (which I must say, being a rocker or even a rock fan nowadays requires a special void in creativity and originality), "Christian Youth" (which fits snugly with the "young republicans"), "GLTBAWTHDATLSF" (what do all those letters stand for, anyway?) "Popettes" (I coined that term; refers to people who love to cover themselves with fabric thats proportional to a napkin and call it an outfit) "Metros", and I guess, an "anti-establishment" crowd. Which I would probably identify with, if I could find these people.
Now I realize that these sorts of divisions are common, nay, normal to any generation. There's millions of us. If we were all the same, we would make Stalin look like Bambi. But!
One day at UNL (University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Get used to the shorthand) a GLTBTA (is that even right?) poster was ripped down and vandalized. By other students. Now, I don't really care what people think, but c'mon. The people who that poster pertains to already catch shit from churches, old white men, Republicans, etc etc. Why from us? We shouldn't be attacking our own. When we're all busy hating eachother, who's gonna hate our parents?
Generation IPod is a quivering mass of bile spewing indecision. But at least we have some killer tunes playing.