Young Republicans Are Morons

I'm sure someone will take offense to the title. Consider that payback for all the times I get called an idealist, or elitist, or feminist, and what the fuck is it with you people and the suffix "ist"? You can't do that to the English language.
See, what I don't get is what the hell made you decide to be a 20 something Republican. I mean, first of all, Republicans are usually old, and well, men. God, they're old men! All of them. Watch C-Span for 20 minutes, and you'll see what I mean. When did college students start identifying with people who still watch The Lawrence Welk Show? Or there's Ann Coulter. Why would anybody aspire to be a curtains-don't-match-the-drapes-ghostly-pale-big-mouthed-bad-makeup-bigoted-racist-gasbag of a uber bitch? This woman couldn't even find anything nice to say about Jesus, let alone real people.
(She's also a great poster child for abortion rights. If that hag ever got knocked up, it should be a Constitutional obligation to make sure her spawn never walk this Earth.)
Oh, whine from the Republicans. What, I can't talk shit about someone so dear to your camp? Does that make me somehow LESS than you? Well, then I have two words: HILLARY CLINTON. Yeah, that's right. Shut the fuck up.
Everybody knows Chruchill's famous quote: "If you're not liberal when you're twenty, then you have no heart. If you're not conservative when you're 40, then you have no head." Truer words have never been spoken. Look at our parents. They were all "FUCK THE GOVERNMENT" when they were our age, and now they're running the damn place. You know Churchill, he helped save the world and all, he must have been some kind of idiot. Because I look around, and kids have just kind of skipped over the first part of that sentence.
I read that some 9 year old girl went to meet Barbara Bush wearing a red dress with elephants stuck all over it, and when Mrs. Bush asked why she was wearing that, the girl proclaimed: "I'm a Republican!" What the fuck? Does a 9 year old even know what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican is? For that matter, does anyone anymore? I know these Young Republican Fuckheads don't. They really must think that we're all a bunch of God-hating, freedom-hating, anti-values, anti-life, Al Qaeda-loving, gay-faggot America haters. Our case is simple: we Democrats stand for absolute freedom, and our view simply states that nobody is going to like every thing that's free. If you're against gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person. It's simple like that. You may not like it, but everybody is free to live their lives. How does that make us America haters? Or elitist? Or whatever the hell else you call us?
And how could a bunch of 20 year olds, who for the first time are away from their parents and on their own, still continue to look at it from an absolutist point of view? Why aren't they out experiencing things? Trying new things? Accepting new things? Why do you think we're supposed to be liberals? We're supposed to be learning about eachother and the world. But it seems nobody's interested anymore.
I'm gonna try this one out: Democrats ruined college. Sorry, but we did. All that PC crap really did a number on our colleges. In New Hampshire, they're so afraid of offending people, that it is a punishable offense to say something offensive within earshot of another person. I could be fighting with one of my (soon to be ex) friends, say something out of spite or anger, and wind up on probation. Yes, us Dems brought in the Politeness Police, thereby shooting ourselves in the First Amendment foot. Freedom of Speech on college campuses is a joke nowadays. And for that, we were wrong. But you know, being Democrats entitles us a certain amount of gravitas, so I can put that out there and be okay with it. We made mistakes. We'll fix then and move on.
Young Republicans are morons. They are, and I want them to wake the fuck up. We should really get into why you should never trust ANY government. Because that's what Young Republicans do. They just trust that everything will be okey dokey without them ever lifting a hand to help.
Yeah, we'll see about that.