I Can't Wait to Be a Liberal Artist

Watching "Wheel of Fortune" yesterday, I was appalled to see the winner was this flaky chick from Wisconsin. Okay, first of all, I'm no big fan of Wisconsin people. In Minneapolis, we called them "Skaunies" because they would drive over and go 45 on the interstates. Plus, there's a huge football rivalry. But watching this chick chew gum, twirl her hair, and say that since her major is investment banking, she's gonna be an investment banker, I was inspired to give all the chicks in this generation a nice, big rant.
Okay, first of all, what is up with the clothes? I like to look nice, but I don't walk around with napkins covering my breasts. No shit- I went to a party and saw a girl wearing a pink teddy with a skirt that brushed her ass cheeks, along with pink high heeled shoes. You know the kind that you buy from Payless and dye to match your bridesmaid dress. All I could think was why? If you're a hooker, then more power to you, but it was obvious this girl was giving it up for free. Why does everybody strive to look like a hooker? You think guys won't fuck you if you're not dressed like Heidi Fleiss?
And why do you act so dumb? Unless your career goal in life is to be a Playboy Bunny, then you're probably gonna have to lose some IQ points. My experience is that most girls aren't stupid, they just act that way. So let me ask you this- what kind of guy are you going to attract by acting like your IQ is the same as your jean size?
And what's up with this designer clothing crap? If everybody's goal in life is to find a mate, do you really think the guy you marry really cares what kind of clothes you own? This designer clothing crap is simply to impress other women, and last time I checked, lesbians can't get married. So stop copying everybody else just to impress the chick in your psych class.
Let me tell you something else- shaking your ass the fastest on the dance floor is not that impressive of a talent. So strive for something a little more constructive.
I don't know how much you know about anatomy, but women are not supposed to be stick figures. And guys are idiots if they actually think that you're supposed to be a bean pole. How many guys have you dated have had chubby bellies, or bad hair, or were lacking muscles, or had too much chest hair blah blah. You forgave them for that, so what the hell makes you think that if you gain 10 pounds you'll be forever dateless? Plus, boobs are things that guys like. Try having them sometime. Things generally work out in your favor.
Quit being so damn slutty. If you like a guy, then great, take him home, but don't bang every guy who hits on you. You spend tons of money on your outfit, 3 hours shaving, tweezing, doing your hair and makeup, and all the guy has to do is spend 4 dollars on your drink and you fuck him? Make them fucking work for it for once. Imagine how great it would be if the guys were the ones who had to shop and primp for 25 hours straight just to get laid.
And quit trying to be like everyother chick out there. Talk about boring. Think about looking out at the dance floor in a bar, and EVERY guy you see looks identical to the one next to him. They're all wearing those stupid pink Polo shirts, and designer jeans with the same haircuts and Ray Bans. Whoo. Quite the choice you have there. Good luck with that.
And finally, listen to some better music. It's either 3 chord bands or rap. Both of which are genres dominated by selfish, self serving men. What's the appeal of guys who either want to kill themselves, or guys who call you a whore to your face? Yeah, I've never gotten that.