Golden Globs

So the Golden Globes are on. And I, for one, can not imagine a bigger waste of my time being broadcast on TV since the presidential debates. I just switched it on a while ago, during the "Best Foreign Language Film" Award. Some dude from Palenstine won, and in broken English, grabbed the mike and proclaimed Palestine's right for a free state, oblivious to the fact that he was standing in front of 500 Jews. Oops.
I hate this crap because it's just a bunch of celebrities kissing eachother's asses in 500 thousand dollar gowns. I'm a VH1 junkie, sure, but at least on VH1 I can laugh at them. Here, we're expected to take them seriously. How do you take someone who spends hours applauding a gay cowboy movie seriously?
And they expect all these awards for doing something that gets normal people into trouble- pretending to be something they aren't. Last time I pretended I was a superhero, I wound up on Xanax. And as far as I'm concerned, if you can get me to sit through a 2 and a half hour movie without wishing I could blow my face off, then you got your award.
Here's the breakdown on the biggest movies of the year:
Giant monkey takes over town
Gay cowboys actually exist
We still have an asian porn obsession
Math is only interesting if Gwyneth Paltrow's around
Harry Potter needs to get laid
Virgins are (erm,) interesting
Crazy people love chocolate
I wonder if the 60 bucks I spent on movies tickets, popcorn, and soda help pay for the acceptance speechwriters that do such an awesomely interesting job.
If I wanted to watch such a display of shameless self promotion and bravado, I'd watch C-Span. Or rap videos. I think I'll stick to watching shows where celebrities fall down and get caught in compromising affairs. At least I can relate to that.