2007 Christmas Letter

Merry Christmas from the Schoens!!! It is the time of year where families come together and share in the delights of the season, and friendships are rekindled and cherished. This has been a very blessed year for our family, so once again we bring you news and good tidings from our little corner of Nebraska!
The beginning of 2007 was a wonderful start to a very happy year. Jessica was dumped by her seemingly wonderful boyfriend, and was re-committed to "The Loony Bin," AKA Mom's basement. There, she spent many a wonderful evening being screamed at by her loving sister Jamie, and slept in a guest couch covered in cat urine. Jamie made many new friends whose main focus in life was body shots. She took a tour of the detox facility, finding it to be a very suitable accommodation. She also started a new career at the unemployment office, although she feels she may be on the wrong side of the counter. John continued to not talk to anybody. Ron and Ann continued to stew in a mutual hatred that had lasted 12 years, although they made headway when their conversations started ending with the words "He/She is fucking crazy," instead of the usual "Fuck Him/Her."
As the cold, dark winter days gave way to the light of spring, The Schoen Family began to delight more and more of each other. Jessica and Jamie became the best of friends, spending much time together chatting. Although the word "chatting" could easily be substituted with the word "screaming," Jessica and Jamie have found a deep love for each other deep within their hearts. Although again, the word "love" could easily be substituted with the word "hatred." John continued to not talk to anybody, and Ron and Ann ceremoniously ended their conversations with the phrase "What a fucking nutcase."
After working many jobs that eventually ended in a case of "I hate everything, fuck that job," Jessica found a comfortable fit serving at Brewskys, and took up residence at her best friend's home. Jamie found out she was expecting and we are so excited to have an addition to the Schoen family! Jamie is as happy as can be, and it must be pointed out that any news you may have heard about "Jamie freaking out and screaming obscenities at Jessica and Ann repeatedly" is simply not true. Jamie is a sweet, loving person who only has love and best wishes for her mom and sister. She decided to tour the detox facility again, and has taken a vow not to drive her car for a year, out of respect for the environment. How selfless she is and we are all so proud of her! Jessica decided she missed her sister so much, she moved back into the basement. Her best friends were so sad to see her go, but helped her move out by putting all of her things in the front lawn for her. Jamie certainly couldn't have been happier to have her big sister back in the house. They certainly started "chatting" more, and even brought Ann into their loving conversations. Jessica very sadly had to let her employment at Brewskys terminate, but was very happy to live in her mom's basement while she found a new job and was very grateful she had Jamie and Ann to remind her of her accomplishments everyday. John continued to not talk to anybody, and Ron and Ann's conversations ended with "You handle it, they're your children."
Eventually, Jamie and Jessica had to part ways. Jamie once again helped Jessica move by putting all of her things in the yard. Jessica took a camping trip for a night, although she used her car as a tent. What an adventure! Jessica was so happy to have the opportunity to sleep under the stars one more time before it grew cold again. She decided to live at Ron's house while she saves up money for a move to Minneapolis. She'll be sad to go, and she wants everybody to know how much she will miss them! Especially her sister and her best friends. She'll hold them in her heart as the most caring and loving people she knows. She works at Nebraska Book Company, and feels this is the best job she's ever had! Jamie is due in May, and we all know she'll make an awesome mother. She's recently taken a vow not to leave the house, and started wearing a beautiful ankle bracelet as a mark of her solidarity to the her vow. John continues to not talk to anybody, and Ron and Ann end their conversations with "Go to Hell."
The Schoens hope this Christmas letter finds you well and in good health, and we pray that your family is as blessed as ours! Merry Christmas everybody!

Ron, Ann, Jessica, Jamie, and John.