One of the funnier aspects of my job is the random phone calls I receive. I work at Lincare, a home oxygen and respiratory company. There's also a place in Lincoln called "LincCare," which is an urgent care clinic. People call me all the time looking for LincCare, and I tell them that they have the wrong place. But on more than one occasion, people feel they have to tell me what their problem is.
For example, I get a phone call: "I think I have gonorrhea, do you test for that?" And I've gotten a call about syphilis, which worries me because I'm waiting for the day that someone I've slept with calls looking for a AIDS test.
Some girl called and asked, "It burns when I pee, do you think I'm pregnant?" To which I told her she was an idiot with a urinary tract infection, and that anal sex, which will give you a UTI, will not get you pregnant.
Another one of my favorites is the fat people who call looking for giant toilet seats. Back in the day, we were a medical supply company who actually carried jumbo toilet seats, and thank God we don't anymore. But I still get calls for things like toilet seats, bedpans, catheters, and colonstomy bags. Eiw. Nothing makes a day go good like the vision of a fat guy on a jumbo toilet seat using a catheter.
I also get faxes from hospitals letting me know when one of our patients is admitted. One of them was for a patient named Beverly Orstrander, and her admitting DX was Bowel Obstruction. Written right there on the fax- bowel obstruction. Why would someone who provides her with breathing medication care that she can't take a dump? Makes me scared for the day I show up with carpal tunnel from masturbating too much. Who else is going to know that I can't keep my hands off myself?
The medical field is not something I'm going to delve into much further. The day I have to "loosen a stool" is the day I'm going to loosen my lunch. As for all the kids who call with an itchy case of crabs, maybe you should keep that info to yourself. After all, you wouldn't want some asshole to tell everyone, would you?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment