Things I Hate

Yes, I know that my title isn't very creative. That's because I hate people who expect creative titles. It's just a big fuck you.
I've been pissed lately, and I figure that instead of drinking a 12 pack and getting into a bar fight, I should safely vent my anger in a constructive way. And this is what I came up with. Things I hate.

Let's start with a simple, cognitive list.
I hate:
Car commercials
Soap in bar form
Potholes
Cell phones
Electric toothbrushes
Cellophane on cigarette packs
Glow in the dark condoms
64oz refillable cups of Mountain Dew
VO5 shampoo
Cinnamon toothpaste
Wal-Mart
Car lighters
Pink shots with no booze in them
Oklahoma Sooners
Miller High Life
Cake frosting
Basketball
The skin on nacho cheese dip
Amanda's next door neighbor, Eric
The Library Lounge
Country music
Fox News
Orange juice
SUV promotions that throw in a year's worth of gas
Washing my face
Smoking cigs in 10 degree weather
Smoking cigs in 95 degree weather
HuHot Mongolian Grill
Maxi pads
The Steeler's head coach
Nascar
The free gift you get when you open a checking account
Republicans
The onion inside of onion rings
Designer sunglasses
Elmer's glue
Brown booze
Medium bags of peanut M&M's
Bruce Springsteen
Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi
And investment banking

And now a more comprehensive list:
What kind of a dumbass buys an SUV? These people are morons. Hey, let's stick it to the A-rabs and buy giant cars that use tons of gas and make the A-rabs richer!!! I hate SUV people.
I hate people that turn washing their cars into a zen experience.
I hate the dude sitting next to me telling me that smoking is bad while eating a bucket of fried chicken.
I hate MTV and I hate the people who watch it. It must take extra effort to be that stupid.
I hate dudes who wear pink. Wanna borrow my Barbies while you're at it?
Steven Segal movies should be banned. There's nothing I hate more than a Steven Segal movie. I also hate the people who watch Steven Segal movies. And the TV stations who broadcast them.
I hate the FCC. You can't show anything sexy on TV, but you can say "shit" and kill someone. If I'm going to pay 85 dollars a month for cable, then I want some sex.
I hate perfume. Paris Hilton, JLo, Brittney Spears, Michael Jordan, The Pope and Dick Cheney all have "signature scents." Well, I can tell you what they all smell like, respectively: lubricant, tacos, beer, sweat, cow dung, and antiseptic. There, I just saved you 150 bucks.
I hate cowboys who drive Hummers. I shit you not, I saw a farmer in a cowboy hat driving a Hummer. It's like George Bush releasing a rap video, or eating a ketchup milkshake. Some things just don't go together.
I hate cell phones. I know I already said this once, But my hatred runs deep. See, nobody would call me, so basically I would be spending 200 bucks a month to play snake at red lights. And I hate red lights.
And most of all, I hate you. Because nobody ever reads this damn thing, and I need approval!!! Or I'll end up hating myself. And then I'll be Ashley Simpson. And I hate her too.